What's Wrong with Optimists?

The problem with an optimist, other than often times being annoying has hell, is that you don't always give a clear picture of the reality of your situation.  We are so busy trying to be positive that often times  reality is ignored.  "Denial ain't just a river baby," as the saying goes.  I would much rather not watch the news or read a paper, then I can continue to believe that the world is a good place. 

The problem is further complicated when you combine an optimist with a control freak.  To feel in control, us control freaks create an illusion of control by thinking more information is better.  I have found that this really confuses people, especially me.  Because I have so much negative information, it is tremendously hard to remain positive.  It is very obvious that no one publishes their good stuff because they are too busy enjoying their lives.  Besides, cynically, people want to read about dirt, not flowers.

My answers, for what they are worth, at this place and time are the following:

• Know that I do not need to read every last bit of information on my husband's condition.  It's important to educate yourself.  It is also OK to just skim the headlines, trust the doctors, and read only the information that will help his well being, not hinder mine.  A positive example - a new drug was approved last week by the FDA.  This drug is the next generation after the drug my husband is currently taking, so if the drug he is currently taking stops working, we have even more alternatives.  A negative example - the majority of the patients with my husband's form of cancer are under the age of 24 months.  Their life expectancy is 8 to 12 months.  That negative information is interesting, but does not apply to my situation. My husband is 50, not 24 months.  My husband is six months post op, and has had no recurrence of the disease.  My husband's medication is working.
• It's great to share the positives with people.  It's also OK to share the reality which may not be so positive.  For example, at Thanksgiving, my mother came to visit.  After her visit, my aunt called and scolded me.  Her comment was "we now know the real story."  I was confused.  She explained to me that even though my husband was feeling marginally better, my day to day activities were still the same as the day he came home from the hospital, minus a little nursing care.  I hadn't realized I was only communicating the positives and exaggerating at that. When my family and friends saw my situation through their own eyes, they felt I wasn't being truthful with them.  My brother even said, "we are so glad his prognosis has changed."  It hasn't, but my brother thought it had because I was emphasizing the good and not sharing the bad.
• It's necessary to take a break and rest.  It is also OK to do something for myself.  This blog has been very helpful for me.  When we hired a part time housekeeper, I told my husband, I'm going to carve out sometime for myself before the work expands to fit the additional time.  My answer was this blog. If you feel unable to find time to exercise, garden, read a book, etc., whatever it is you do to recharge your batteries, make time.  Sometimes I think, if I stop, the reality of my situation, from which I have been running, will overwhelm me.  I discovered the hard way, it is the opposite.  If my priority is to give the best care I can to my family then I must take care of myself, which includes proper rest, eating, exercise, medication when warranted, counseling and yes, me time.
• I am not personally responsible for keeping my husband alive.  I can give him the best care I am able, but his life or death is not in my hands.