My "New Normal"

Today was a good day.  It's 9:15pm, and I'm done.  Now keep in mind we are six months from my 50 year old husband's diagnosis and radical nephrecatomy five days later determinging he has Stage 4 Kidney Cancer.


Now what is a very good day for me?  I started at 5:45am with three snoozes on the alarm because I wanted "just one more snuggle" with my husband.  My kid's bus comes at 7:25, so it's get everyone dressed, breakfast and out the door.  Morning a joint effort for my husband and me.  The kids love having breakfast with daddy. 

I am lucky, and own my own business.  After putting our kids on the bus, I hop on the laptop at the kitchen table where I can see my husband across the playroom in the master bedroom working on his laptop.  Makes us feel like we are more together.  I try to work from home whenever I can. 

Before he was diagnosed, we literally split the duties both business and home 50/50.  Now, he is able to help more, but has to concentrate on putting tax information into the computer, which I have neglected since last August.  I feel good because while he was working on his laptop, I was able to catch up on office and home bookkeeping, speak to the insurance company about a bill I questioned, set our family up to be considered for Jack and Jill Foundation, speak with a few clients, catch up on business email, and scheduled several follow up appointments.  At 5:45pm, my son was at Karate and at 6pm my daughter was at swimming. 

Dinner was ready and on the table at 7:30pm.  My secret?  A couple weeks ago, we hired a part time housekeeper.  She works from 5pm to 8pm, Monday thru Thursday.  She cooks dinner, picks up around the house, helps with laundry and the key, does the dishes before she goes home.  Where did  I find this angel?  A friend of mine owns a cleaning company.  When I finally realized that even Superwoman needed help, she introduced me to one of her part time employees that wanted more hours.  I also had several other people apply for the job, found from emails that I sent to my friends asking if anyone knew of someone that wanted extra cash by working in the evening. 

Bottom line:  I can hire someone to cook and clean.  I cannot hire someone to be mother to my children, wife and caregiver to my husband. 

I understand that everyone cannot afford to hire someone to help.  That does not mean you cannot find help.  For the past six months, I have had wonderful and generous friends delivering dinner three times a week (coordinated by Helping Hands).  I still have a great friend taking the kids every Tuesday morning so I can go to a breakfast meeting.  I also have the kids in after-care.

Second Bottom Line:  It's OK to ask for help and better yet, accept it.  The accepting was my biggest personal challenge.