Suvivor?

Here is another interesting transition.  It happens slowly.  It is a new chapter, but does not present with the turning of a page.  Rather, when you look back at the story, you see the change that unfolded.  I never truly understood the term survivor.  Now, I see how it can mean different things to different people.  In my mind, being a survivor simply means being alive.  One more day...  One more month...  Hopefully, one more year... And is something to celebrate, but how?
More of our story, and helpful tools are below.  I wanted to put the conclusion at the beginning because time is so difficult for us to find.  Often I find reading the first and last paragraph, give me what I need.  So, here the the last paragraph.

All the cliche's are true, but I'm tired.  You probably have heard them all, "one day at a time," "put one foot in front of the other," etc.  The reality is so much harder.  Why?  Because I am so afraid.  Fear, as a motivator, is terrible.   Ironically, I find it harder not to "do something."   Allowing a day where I just enjoy the day has become crucial.  What is becoming much clearer to me is the process to get there.  I already know it.  It's the same one that got me here, but in reverse.  Instead of adding things to my list of concerns, I take them away.  Piece by piece, step by step, minute by minute, I realize that by being a little less controlling and a little more flexible, a day can go by without the smothering weight of fear.  I can enjoy that my husband is surviving cancer.

For the past six months, my husband has been recovering from major surgery (23 total days in the hospital) with the complications of surgical pain, anemia and sever side effects from the new cancer medication.  When and how, do we change from being patient to living life?
At first, I had a hard time believing he had survived.  After all, I almost lost him, several times.  Then, a month went by, then two...  multiple doctors visits (8 specialists), lots of pain, nausea, etc.  We were concerned that things weren't improving fast enough.  There must be something wrong.  They missed something?  The cancer was back?  Why didn't he feel better?

Fast forward, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  He is healing well.  All scans have been clear to date.  Medications have been adjusted to allow him to have some more energy, less pain and much less nausea.  The anemia is virtually gone as well.

The challenge?  Now that he is more comfortable participating in a world outside of the protection of our home, how do we transition from patient to living life?  Here is what I have discovered...

• I already knew, he is an intelligent, capable adult.  He really enjoys being taken care of by me, but he is also able to do for himself.  If I don't let him, why should he do it himself?  This is a tough one because I don't want him to feel as if I don't want to be a part of his recovery.  On the other hand, if I don't let go and give him back responsibility, why should things change?  Now keep in mind, responsibility is not mine to take or give, but that's a little tough to see when you are a caregiver.
• We started by dividing up the drugs.  I am only able to titrate his medication for conditions that can be monitored by machines (blood pressure, blood sugar, etc.).  He is responsible for pain medication and taking his cancer medication.  These are drugs that help him "control" the situation.  Challenge?  How does he remember when and how much to take or that he already took?  A notebook, where we both keep track of all the medications and readings helps both of us feel more comfortable.  Having a history removes memory as a variable and trends can also be seen.  His cell phone has an alarm, so he resets it every time he takes his pain medication to remind him when it is time for the next dose.  He also sets a daily alarm for his cancer medication.